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Drop of the Week
Trump Saves Economy by Redefining Reality
With inflation and prices still high and the markets still wobbling, President Trump declared the economy a “historic success” — because any numbers that disagree have been spiritually corrected.
“If it’s good, I did it. If it’s bad, Joe broke it,” he explained. “The economy isn’t failing — it’s just misunderstood by the dishonest press.”
At press time, economists were seen updating graphs with Sharpies.
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Read Drop →Trump Declares Himself America’s ‘First Christian President,’ Issues Official Faith Rankings
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Read Drop →Quote Wall
Not every voice matters. That’s why each quote is vetted through prayer, patriotism, and factually flexible discernment.
"We’ll never be in a recession if we stop measuring things."
— Treasury Official (Off Record)"Down is the new up, economically speaking."
— Senior Economic Advisor (Anonymous)"Jesus hated poor people. That’s why he left Earth."
— Faith & Freedom Coalition Leader"Wokeness caused inflation. That’s just basic math."
— Rep. Lauren B."Freedom isn’t free, which is why we privatized it."
— Senior Economic Theorist (Off Record)"Jesus would have had a Crypto Coin as well — if the Jews hadn’t canceled him first."
— Unnamed Pastor (audio pulled)Get Drops Before They Drop
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